i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We left the knife in your bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
