I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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