My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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