What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
