What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
