Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
