Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
