they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
