i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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