I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
