Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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