omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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