Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
