This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Someone came in the potted fern
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
