Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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