What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
