This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
