hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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