she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
