Got a toothbrush?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
