and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
