why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What a dumb baby whore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
