both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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