I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
