Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
