Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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