to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
