I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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