i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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