You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
