living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
