I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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