your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
