South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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