if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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