i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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