coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least life still wants to fuck me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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