And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
