Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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