SEEEEXXX PLEASE
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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