Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
