I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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