dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
