It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
