i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
