haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
