He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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