VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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