apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
