im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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