A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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