my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
