after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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