When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
