you guys were way drunker than both of me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
