he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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