I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
