It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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