I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
